The Difference Between Biblical and Unbiblical Complaining

There is a biblical and non—biblical way to complain. Therefore, it is important to know the difference.

When we hear the word “complaining,” we typically think of something negative: whining, bitterness, or negativity that brings others down. It’s understandable, because most complaining we encounter—and often engage in—is just that.

But the Bible actually makes a critical distinction between a type of “complaining” that is commended and a grumbling that is condemned. There is a biblical way to complain—a way that honors God and deepens our faith. But there is also a sinful way to complain—called grumbling—that leads to destruction.

Scripture does not forbid complaining. God does not ignore or forbid us from bringing our troubles to Him. The Bible exhorts us to cast “all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). The Psalms are filled with many righteous complaints addressed to God.

The Bible shows us a path to constructive complaining. “Constructive complaining” is not whining to get what we want. Constructive complaining is bringing things before God in a manner that brings us into harmony with God and others in the midst of life’s hardships and suffering.

Constructive complaining is an honest lament and supplication that trusts God's character and seeks His help—and always leaves the outcome to Him.

In contrast, grumbling is destructive. It is divisive, manipulative, and bitter. Grumbling isn't about seeking God’s help—it’s about accusing Him or undermining those in authority. It leads to entitlement (God owes me) and victimhood (poor me, I can’t take any actions).

Grumbling is a form of unbelief and an expression of ingratitude. It says, “I won’t trust You unless You give me what I want.” It foolishly pits itself against God's will, as if to threaten Him, “If You don’t give me what I demand, then I won’t believe in You or worship You.”

An example of grumbling is in Exodus when Israel grumbled in the wilderness, whining against Moses and ultimately against God. After being freed from Egypt and brought by God into the wilderness through His incredible display of power, Israel was thirsty and grumbled against Moses. They doubted God’s faithfulness (Exodus 17:1-4) and tested the LORD saying, “Is the LORD among us, or not?” (Exodus 17:7).

Israel’s demand was not only a faithless, manipulative complaint. It was a test, “If God is really among us, then He will do our bidding.” Their statement was an implied threat—“perform for us or we will find another god.” Needless to say, this was not well received by God. This attitude is mentioned numerous times in scripture as an example of what “not to do.” Some examples follow:

• Psalm 95:7-10 speaks of God being displeased with this sort of testing, where the people demanded God perform for them.
• 1 Corinthians 10:1-14 specifically describes the Israelites’ faithless grumbling as something to avoid before teaching that God will always provide a way to escape temptation.
• Hebrews 3:7-11 quotes from Psalm 95:7-10, using it as an illustration for New Testament believers of what not to do.

The Hebrews 3:7-11 passage makes the point that New Testament believers should be faithful in order to possess their inheritance as “sons.” Jesus was made “Son” as a human to reign over creation (Hebrews 1:5). He was “crowned” or given authority with the “glory and honor” of reigning over the earth, restoring God’s design for humans. He was given this honor because of the “suffering of death” (Hebrews 2:9).

Jesus desires to bring “many sons to glory” and have those who overcome as He overcame share in His reign of service (Revelation 3:21). Those who overcome and are rewarded as sons will be those who are faithful to possess their inheritance. Hebrews 3:6-12 exhorts New Testament believers not to be like the unfaithful generation that tested God, who would not believe and therefore did not possess their inheritance and enter the Promised Land.

Rather, Hebrews exhorts New Testament believers to trust God and follow His ways, even when they seem difficult. The second generation out of Egypt had to trust God and confront the giants and walled cities in the land in order to possess the inheritance they had been granted. God fought for them, and cleared the way. But they had to trust God that He was with them, regardless of circumstances.

Those who grumbled in the wilderness had their eyes on circumstances, and threatened God with, “We will not follow You unless you perform for us.” Paul warns against this in 1 Corinthians 10:10, reminding us that some were destroyed for grumbling as a warning for us today.

Grumbling is often quarrelsome and sows dissent among people. Rather than going to the authority—someone who can legitimately address the problem—grumblers whine to others who are unable to solve the problem about the authority. The goal of this sort of behavior is to center attention on self. It is not to solve the problem.

For example, if you have an issue at work, it’s Biblical to respectfully speak to your supervisor. By speaking with them and getting shared facts, you can create a shared story that leads to a shared plan. This is serving the shared mission. This is God’s recommended system of self—governance in action. It is taking responsibility to serve others. A problem is recognized and addressed in a manner that serves the shared purpose.

One of the best ways to address your complaint constructively is to initiate a “moment of truth.” A moment of truth occurs when someone addresses an unmet expectation.

Moment of Truth: Step One — Establish Facts

The first step in a moment of truth is to acknowledge the expectation and the fact/clear evidence that it was unmet. Sometimes an expectation is unmet because it was not clear or shared, and once it is agreed that it is an expectation, then things are able to resolve quickly. If the expectation is clear and unmet, it is important to agree that the expectation is unmet before moving to step two.

Moment of Truth: Step Two — Story

The second step in a moment of truth is to hear the story, the person’s explanation for why the expectation was not met. Sometimes the person’s story is valid for why something did not happen as it normally should. Sometimes it is a clear one—off. Other times adjustments will need to be made to prevent expectations from continuing to be unmet.

Moment of Truth: Step Three — Plan

The third step in a moment of truth is to allow the person who did not meet expectations develop and offer a plan for how he will make adjustments to prevent expectations from continuing to fall short and to better meet them going forward. Sometimes it is good to give them time to come up with a plan. (Can you get back to me with your plan tomorrow or a week from Monday?). Once the plan is in place and agreeable then make an appointment to do step four later in the future.

Moment of Truth: Step Four — Feedback

The fourth and final step of a moment of truth is to follow up with the person after a reasonable window of time to let them know how their plan is working. If it is going well, the problem is resolved and expectations are now being met. Then it is important for the relationship to acknowledge that improvements have been made and that you appreciate how the individual or group has made the adjustments responsibly. If things are still being unmet, another moment of truth should occur.

The contrast to respectfully addressing your concerns with your supervisor to work toward a shared purpose is grumbling by whispering to coworkers. This centers attention on “Me” while refusing to take responsibility to seek constructive solutions. Such behavior is not interested in a solution—but rather is only interested in manipulating people to take a side against someone else. Rather than serving the shared purpose of the organization it is serving self.

Absalom grumbled against his father David by subtly undermining his authority while appearing concerned for the people. He stood by the gate and said, “See, your claims are good and right, but no man listens to you on the part of the king” (2 Samuel 15:3), stirring discontent rather than seeking a just solution. Rather than respectfully addressing David, Absalom manipulated the people’s frustrations to win their loyalty and steal the hearts of Israel (2 Samuel 15:6). His goal was “Me.” He sought to displace his father as king. It was wholly a scheme of self—promotion.

The Bible strongly condemns grumbling as evil. Paul says:

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”
(Philippians 2:14)

This doesn’t mean we ignore problems. It means we bring our concerns to the right place: to God in faith, to proper authorities in humility, or to teammates and coworkers to seek solutions that are mutually beneficial.

What is the Biblical Way to Complain?

The key to Biblical complaining lies in factuality, faith, humility, and gratitude. And it is always respectful of God and others.

The Book of James gives a framework for how we should approach God with our complaints—by transforming trials into opportunities for spiritual growth through faith and humility.

James begins with a surprising exhortation:

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”
(James 1:2-3)

The first step is to recognize the factuality of the situation. We can assent and name a circumstance as a “trial.” The next step is to choose a perspective about the circumstance. James says, “choose to look at the difficulty as an opportunity to grow your faith and thereby win the crown of life” (James 1:2-3, 12).

James is not asking us to prefer pain, but to reframe our perspective of any difficult experience so that we can see our difficulty as a means to grow endurance, mature in faith, and thereby win at life.

“Complaining” to God, when done rightly, acknowledges pain (facts) while also embracing the truth that God has a lasting purpose behind it (perspective). Our response to suffering should not be bitterness or denial but trust—filled honesty as we bring our struggles to the God who works through them (Romans 8:28).

James continues:

“And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
(James 1:4)

This shows that biblical complaining must come with a willingness to endure and grow. It’s not a demand for instant relief but a request for wisdom and perspective. That’s why James tells us:

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God” (James 1:5).

In our complaints, we are invited to ask for understanding—to say, “Lord, I don’t get this; help me see what You are doing.” This kind of asking is an act of faith, not of accusation.

But James also gives a warning for how we ask God this question:

“But he must ask in faith without any doubting… For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord.”
(James 1:6-7)

Faith is at the heart of biblical complaining.

There are only three things we control: who or what we believe, the perspective we choose, and the actions we take. In James, we are asked to:

1. believe God, that growing faith through difficulties is a great benefit to us in the long run, and more than worth remaining faithful,
2. choose a perspective that trials are a great benefit, allowing us the opportunity to grow our faith and thereby win at life, and
3. Live by faith, aligning our actions with God’s word and setting aside wrong perspectives (wickedness) that will lead us to death (James 1:21).

When we bring our pain to God in faith, we trust that He hears us, that He is good, and that He will act in His perfect way and time. This is casting our cares upon Him, which we are exhorted to do (1 Peter 5:7).

Doubting, as James means it, is not simply wrestling with questions—it means distrusting God’s character. Faithless complaining accuses God or manipulates Him. Faithful complaining casts burdens on Him, believing He cares.

But James also describes the danger of being “a double—minded man, unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8).

A double—minded person wants God’s help without trusting God’s wisdom or goodness. This is the essence of grumbling—bringing complaints without surrender, and without reverence. But biblical complaining, modeled by James, is anchored in joyful perspective, persistent endurance, humble requests for wisdom, and trust.

When we complain this way, God not only hears us, He transforms us. Biblical complaining does not resist God’s will—it accepts and embraces it (James 1:2, Hebrews 12:1-2, 1 Peter 1:6-9). It does not harden the heart; it opens our hearts to God. It doesn’t sow division; it produces spiritual maturity and seeks harmony with God and others (Matthew 6:33).

Examples of Biblical Complaints

The kind of complaint that leads to discipleship, growing our faith, and molding our perspectives to what is true is modeled by faithful believers like Job, David, Jesus, Paul, and others.

Job is a powerful example of Biblical complaints.

Job poured out his grief, confusion, and even frustration before God. But he never cursed God or rejected His authority. Instead, Job said: “Though He slay me, I will hope in Him. Nevertheless I will argue my ways before Him” (Job 13:15). Job's complaint was raw, but it was full of reverence and anchored in trust.

God says of Job that he only spoke rightly of God, and that greatly pleased God (Job 42:7). Job did complain that God needed to understand his perspective. In answer to this complaint, God appeared to Job and made it clear that Job actually needed more of God’s perspective. After his interaction with God, Job declared “I repent” (Job 42:6). We see here an example where Job’s complaints resulted in God leading Job to have a renewed perspective, a perspective that was true.

As mentioned above, the Psalms are filled with many complaints directed toward God.

• Psalm 3 — “O LORD, how my adversaries have increased!”
• Psalm 6 — “I am weary with my sighing; Every night I make my bed swim…”
• Psalm 12 — “Help, LORD, for the godly man ceases to be…”
• Psalm 13 — “How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?”
• Psalm 22 — “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?”
• Psalm 31 — “Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress…”
• Psalm 38 — “O LORD, rebuke me not in Your wrath…”
• Psalm 42 — “Why are you in despair, O my soul?”
• Psalm 44 — “You have rejected us and brought us to dishonor…”
• Psalm 55 — “Give ear to my prayer, O God, and do not hide Yourself from my supplication.”
• Psalm 57 — “Be gracious to me, O God… my soul takes refuge in You.”
• Psalm 61 — “Hear my cry, O God; Give heed to my prayer.”
• Psalm 69 — “Save me, O God, For the waters have threatened my life.”
• Psalm 71 — “In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge…”
• Psalm 74 — “O God, why have You rejected us forever?”
• Psalm 77 — “My voice rises to God, and I will cry aloud…”
• Psalm 79 — “O God, the nations have invaded Your inheritance…”
• Psalm 83 — “O God, do not remain quiet…”
• Psalm 86 — “Incline Your ear, O LORD, and answer me…”
• Psalm 88 — “My soul has had enough troubles…”

For instance, Psalm 31 is a rich example of how to complain righteously to the LORD.

David begins this psalm of complaint by humbly confessing his trust in God and petitioning His urgent protection,

“In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
Let me never be ashamed;
In Your righteousness deliver me.
Incline Your ear to me, rescue me quickly.”
(Psalm 31:1-2a)

David expresses his hope in God and recognizes that God’s character has more at stake in the outcome of his life than David does (Psalm 31:4). David expresses absolute trust in God even unto death (Psalm 31:5).

Then David begins his complaint:

“Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress
My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also.”
(Psalm 31:9)

He then details his pain, fear, and enemies (Psalm 31:9-13). David’s troubles include struggles with depression, abandonment, betrayal, feeling powerless and futile, slander, and a plot to murder him.

Yet his complaints are never faithless. He wraps them in trust and submission,

“But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord,
I say, ‘You are my God.’
My times are in Your hand;”
(Psalm 31:14-15a)

David looked to God with confidence that no matter the earthly outcome, that God would be good to him:

“How great is Your goodness,
Which You have stored up for those who fear You,
Which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You,
Before the sons of men!”
(Psalm 31:19)

Paul also complained to God and brought his complaint about his “thorn in the flesh” directly to God, pleading with the Lord three times for it to be removed (2 Corinthians 12:7-8).

This was a sincere complaint directed toward the only One who could help. Instead of removing the affliction, God responded,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”
(2 Corinthians 12: 9a)

Paul accepted God’s answer with humility and trust, declaring:

“Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 
(2 Corinthians 12:9b)

Paul’s example shows that biblical complaining is not about demanding our way, but bringing our burdens to God and receiving His will with faith.

Finally, Jesus in Gethsemane poured out His anguish to the Father. Upon entering the Garden, Jesus said:

“My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death… My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.”
(Matthew 26:38-39)

Isaiah records a prophetic picture of the Messiah’s lament:

“But I said, ‘I have toiled in vain, I have spent My strength for nothing and vanity; Yet surely the justice due to Me is with the LORD, And My reward is with My God.’”
(Isaiah 49:4)

This was a holy form of complaint—transparent, respectful, full of trust. And yet, even in His agony, Jesus submitted Himself fully to the will of God. This moment shows us that faithful complaining is not a lack of devotion but a vital expression of relationship with God. When we follow Jesus’s example, we learn that we can be completely honest with God while still entrusting ourselves to His good and sovereign purposes.

Conclusion: A Heart That Prays with Trust and is Thankful

The Book of Philippians offers a clear picture of prayerful complaining:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”
(Philippians 4:6)

In other words: tell God what’s wrong—but do so with gratitude and faith. And the result?

“The peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
(Philippians 4:7)

Biblical complaining is an act of worship. It confesses weakness and casts our cares upon the Lord (1 Peter 5:7). It is prayerful and respectful. It invites God into our distress instead of lashing out at others or sulking in bitterness.

By contrast, grumbling is destructive. Grumbling is faithless. It is manipulative, bitter, and divisive. It resists God’s will and sows discord. It fuels discontent and undermines unity. It often spreads horizontally—whining to friends, coworkers, or strangers instead of going to those in charge. Grumbling is the kind of complaining that God condemns.

Biblical complaining is not about pretending things are fine. It’s about being honest before God and others while remaining full of trust, humility, and thanksgiving. Job, David, Paul and Jesus, all modeled faithful complaint that drew them closer to God.

Let us cast our complaints upon the LORD—not because we deserve answers, but because He invites us to trust Him. When we do, He gives us peace, strength, and wisdom. And in the process, we grow.

So yes—the Bible teaches us how to constructively complain even as it condemns grumbling.